inexcusable apathy

ok, so maybe i don't really have time for a blog.  honestly, i feel like there are very few things that i actually do have time for these days.  somehow, that has led me to some genuine self-analysis over the past few weeks ... and i don't really like what i'm finding.  let me elaborate...

i'm part of a team of sunday school teachers for the college class at church, and once every three months, kristen and i are responsible for teaching.  so two weeks ago, i was doing a lesson for our series "conversations about conversations," which was all about figuring out God's purposes for the words we speak.  this particular lesson was based on the scripture in colossians 4 that says to "be wise in the way you act toward outsiders...let your conversation always be full of salt..."  i'm big into discussion-style teaching, so i'm constantly thinking of questions to spur on conversations about the topic at hand.  so as i was preparing this particular lesson (at approximately 11pm on saturday night before sunday school at 9am the next morning), i typed the following series of questions:

"why are we so quick to allow these opportunities to pass us by?  why do we not share the gospel with the lost we come into contact with every day?  is it because we're afraid?  ashamed?  or are we apathetic?  are our hearts truly broken for the souls of those trapped in sin and death?  why not?"

and the questions have haunted me ever since.  why in the world is my heart not broken for the broken, dying, starving, empty, desperate souls that i see in my classroom and in my school every single day??  why am i so callus to their needs that i resist every chance that i have to speak love and life into them??  WHY DO I NOT PRACTICE WHAT I PREACH???

it shakes me up to no end.  if i truly believed that Christ gave Himself up for me and that i have life in order to bring Him more glory, how in the world is it possible for me to continue to do all that i can to make my life as comfortable as possible for me without regard for those around me who are completely loved by the Lord but so oblivious to His desire for a relationship with them?  can i really believe in Jesus and yet remain so self-absorbed?

praise God for His grace.  He knows i need it.